this is why aotearoa should not go to war ever

army:
20 dudes.
3 grenades, 1 is a dud, the other 2 have pins rusted in place.
1 .22 bolt action rifle that jams heaps.
2 shotguns that fire automatically at random intervals
1 tractor with corrugated iron duct taped to the sides as a tank.
2 bikes with cardboard armor taped to the sides
medics use fish and chip newspaper as bandages
1 1980s toyota hilux as command unit with tyres strapped to the sides to make it partly amphibious.
a giant slingshot hurling bricks and glass bottles as a mortar.
sheep as cavalry
molotov cocktails that get drunk before thrown
5 cap guns from $2 shop.
cheap fireworks as standard issue weapon.
stolen WW1 machine gun that dosnt work they just chuck cascades down the barrel and have a dude hiding who hits a hammer against a piece of metal to make gunshot sounds.
throw burning magnesium as flashbangs.

navy:
6 dudes
2 dingys
1 waka
no life jackets
3 of them can swim
1 is afraid of water
they only have fireworks and half-functioning bb guns / cap guns as weapons.
ipod touch 1st gen as navigation
broken compass that always spins like minecraft in the nether.

air force:
5 dudes
1 stolen vietnam era helicopter
co-pilot is blind and is afraid of heights
pilot is deaf
2 gunners use more fireworks but one of them has a faulty .308 rifle that fires randomly(trigger doesnt fire it)
other dude drops stolen car batteries as bombs and sometimes flaming tyres or petrol containers.

everybody is paid in KFC
a maori who cant speak english runs the whole thing

This is true.

made this up in history today